Victory, Thy Name is ... Irony.

A Brief Background into the Arabic Alphabet, Beauteous As It Is

After resisting it for five weeks, on Friday I gave in. I went to the bookstore and bought the misnamed Easy Arabic Script.

That's right. The Arabic alphabet requires an entire book to learn. For real. This is the toughest alphabet I've ever touched. I touch it, and it whips out an entire book and smashes my face into a pulp.

I exaggerate not.

It appears that the word "genius" is originally derived from the Arabic, and I can tell you I know why that is. It is because one has to be a genius to read Arabic.

Exhibit A:

Each letter has AT LEAST THREE FORMS, based on where it is in a word.
ﻉ = ﻊ ﻌ ﻋ
ﻩ = ﻪ ﻬ ﻫ
(and so on)

Exhibit B:

Each letter looks different in script (handwriting) than it does in type.
For instance, ﻬ looks like a hospital vital sign squiggle in script.

Exhibit C:

Arabic is written without vowels, with the exception of three "strong" vowels: A, EE, and W. Of course, the "A" can be morphed into an "UH" or an "EE" by a little squiggle, and the "EE" can sound more like a "Y" sometimes, and the "W" can sometimes be pronounced "WA."

Not so helpful anymore, is it?

And forget about the so-called "short vowels" sounds like "a, uh, oo, i." They only figure in learners' books. Not in papers, God forbid, nor in literature.

Exhibit D:

Unlike English, in which all letters follow rules about where they lie on a given line (ie uncapitalized vowels stand within the bottom half of a line, "t"s are crossed about one-third to half-way down, etc), most Arabic letters are free-floaters. They can be found on the top half of a line, the bottom half of a line, and even on top of one another. And it's not based on the letter before them. It's based on the letter after them. That's right.

It's going to take FOREVER for me to learn this one.



THAT SAID... Let's commence to my victory this morning...

I live in a neighborhood with a large Muslim population. So large is it, in fact, that numerous storefront signs on Coney Island Avenue, near me, are in Arabic.

Waiting for my bus today, I entertained myself by attempting to decipher the Arabic store signs--knowing that I would never know if I had transliterated them correctly, seeing as how I don't know more than 30 words in the language, tops.

I start with a sign across the street. It's a large white one, with "Barber Shop" written in large red letters. Above the English, however, are Arabic letters. I gasp in delight--it's my chance to learn what "barber shop" is in Arabic! It's my own public dictionary!

I begin to mumble out loud as I go through the words a letter at a time.

"B..A..R...B...R SH...P"

*weep* I don't know whether to trill in glee that I've clearly managed to correctly read the letters... or to snicker at the irony of not having learnt anything new at all.

I turn to another Arabic sign above the English sign "Meat Shop."

"M...T SH...P"

Great. I am trying not to laugh at the signs, which would not gain me any friends on the street, and my eyes well with tears.

Victory is...BARBRSHP.