Wanderlust

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~ Mark Twain

Monday, June 27, 2005

Kosovo Music Video

Guys, have you seen this??? It's BRILLIANT.

Kosovo Music Video by Norwegian Troops
If you don't press "save as" you'll get to hear it, but not to watch it, and it's worth the watching. So "save as!" :)

Apparently it's set off a bit of a diplomatic kerfuffle. The song is called Kosovo and it's sung to the tune of Kokomo.

Serbia has denounced it, and has received an apology from Norway. Kosovo Albanians have apparently been less antagonistic towards the music video, which depicts a satirical view of international peacekeeping. It's hilarious...



Sunday, June 26, 2005

Depriving Children, and Where Russians Fear to Tread



But non-Turkmen things first, I always say.

Harry Potter and the Deprived Children

So's, -r2 and I have fantasmagorical plans to meet up on the morn of July 16, and go to Barnes and Noble together to purchase our reserved copies of Harry Potter. Originally, we were going to meet in Park Slope, that most noble and beauteous of Brooklyn hoods. That was until I had the following conversation with the sales people there. What follows is practically verbatim:

Wanderlustful One: So, is it for sure now, is it 100% certain that these two books will be mine hereafter?

Sloping Sales People: Nope. Die, fiend.

Wanderlustful One: So, I could be uberly screwed? So, it's within the realm of possibility that I might be here weeping on July 16?

Sloping Sales People: Yep. Life's a crapshoot. There are more people expected for our Midnight Rush than the legal building capacity permits. You may spend July 16 alone and forlorn. So be it.


Plan B was thusly thought up. -r2 and I should meet at the uptown bookstore. And so there we ambled, and had the following reassuring conversation with their fantabulous clerk:

-r2 and Wanderlustful One: Now, what are the odds of us being bereft and weepy on July 16 as you've squandered our two reserved copies on some Johny-come-lately kids?

Fantabulous Clerk: Nill. Zippo. You will get your books, no matter what.

-r2 and Wanderlustful One: You are confirming, hereby, that our meaningful interaction with you puts us in first place when it comes to these two books, no matter what form of guilt-inducing actions the enemy makes?

Fantabulous Clerk: Yes. I just can't vouch that no kids will be forlorn and weepy.

-r2 and Wanderlustful One: Excellent!


Being as how I do not hate children, and indeed wish the opposite of forlorness and weepiness upon them all, I then proceeded to return to the original Barnes & Noble. Where I had the following conversation, verbatim:

Wanderlustful One: Hi! I'd like to un-reserve my copy of Harry Potter *swish and flick*

Sloping Clerk: Un-reserve?

Wanderlustful One: Yep. The process by which one ceases to reserve a book, thereby freeing it for the lustful readership of kinderness.

Sloping Clerk: You can't un-reserve a book.

Wanderlustful One: But what about the children??!!

Sloping Clerk: Life's a bitter lesson. Professor Snape agrees.

Wanderlustful One: Well, when you put it that way...


And in Turkmen news:

I'm reading up on Turkmen political developments since the fall of the Soviet Union. Actually, I'm already done; things don't seem to have changed much. ;-) Not true. The former, I mean.

At any rate, I came across a sentence in my book that just ... struck me. They've a very small Russian population, you see, which seemed unusual to me as the Russians were colonizing right and left (or left and left) back in the day.

And then the book continues to note that the Turkmen climate was considered inhospitable to the Russian colonizers, who did not settle the lands as they had Kazakhstan, etc.

RUSSIANS found the weather inhospitable??? Now that's an Anti-Review if I ever heard one.

Note to self: Do NOT go to Turkmenistan. NIKOGDA! (never!)

********
Random shot of Turkmenistan follows:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And for laughs, here's a bus stop in Turkmenistan. Note what the bus is called. Le sigh. You've got to love linguistic diversity!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Friday, June 24, 2005

For Refined Enthusiasts...




Ask, and ye shall be told.

Or alternatively, as my Gentle Readers now find: Say nothing, and ye shall be told anyway. And shown pictures.

The KIA Amanti, or My New Love

KIA image-sellers inform me that I am clearly an "automotive enthusiast with a refined appreciation for luxury... and an unbridled passion for life." Hm. I've been called worse. I'll concur!

I give to you My San Francisco Babe. Which did not roll down the hill. My dashing sexy car for three days. Delish.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

San Francisco

I'm at the end of a rather good day, which began at 5am (PACIFIC STANDARD TIME, d00ds!) with four straight cups of coffee consumed before 8am. I'm here in the San Francisco Bay Area for work.

Car Talk

So, on this trip I was rented a car, as distances (and traffic) are rather sizeable in the Bay Area, and taxi costs would be exorbitant. To be honest, I was less than thrilled. In the hours before a presentation or consultations, I prefer to spend time panicking over content and methodology of upcoming events, rather than directions to said events. That said, YEEEHAWW!!!!!

My car is S-W-A-N-K!!! Gorgeousness. So fancy, in fact, I wasted a good five minutes at the Hertz lot just staring at it and waiting for someone to tell me it was NOT mine to take, that I'd been given the wrong keys. I opened the car slowly, waiting for a guard to push me from it, bodyguard style. (Bodyguard style, like Kevin Costner to Whitney Houston.) But, I was not unceremoniously shoved side. I then spent several moments just trembling in it, wondering if I dared remove it--would it be considered theft if I took the car away? I jumped when I heard a honk nearby. Finally, I drove it off the lot, staring desperately at the guard who checked my papers, sure he would laugh and send me back in to pick up the hunk of junk that was ordained for me. But no....

So I learnt something interesting on this trip; something I wasn't expecting to learn.

You see, in days of yore, when I learnt to drive, it was in Florida. And I passed my exam with flying colours, mostly because one crucial question was not asked. I was faced with this question in San-Fran yesterday.

Which way does one turn the wheels of one's car when one parks on a steep incline?

In between meetings, I spent a good several hours wondering if my car was rolling down the hill. And if Hertz had realized yet that I was not posh enough for the car, and if the cops were already after me. And if it would be considered grand theft or vandalism when my car mashed into the bottom of the Bay.

I had, you see, glanced at the cars across the street to see what they were doing, but had converted the decision incorrectly. When I got out of the car, everyone on my side of the street had their wheels facing the opposite direction. Oh well. "Tra la" as -r2 would say. I survived, and so did the car.

And here I am in Hotel Heaven.

The Woodfin Suites Hotel ROCKs. They have free internet and printer access, a free LIBRARY (be still my fucking heart) of books to be borrowed, a FREE selection of DVDs and videos to be borrowed and watched in one's rooms (no limit), and a free Happy Hour from 5 to 7pm, in which drinks and snacks are served. AND on top of all that, my hotel room is larger than my apartment. *swoon* Plus I'm secretly in love with all of their reception people. They're fantabulous. *love* It's amazing sometimes the little tricks (so to speak) which secure my undying affection. They're having a conference here, and they had fruit out, and I made some sort of flippant joke which covered for my longing gaze at the food (being as how I am starving and was feeling somewhat ill)--and they gave me free fruit.

I mean, if this isn't love, what is? Right? Right??? Yes, right. *love*

~ moi

ps: -r2, it did rock. :)

If only I wasn't knackered. I've rented two DVDs, but will be surprised if I get through one tonight... I leave tomorrow am, back to the Big Fruit.

Monday, June 20, 2005

On Bloodcurdling Screams

Several years ago I fancied myself just a hair's breadth away from being a potentially fluent reader of Russian. (Need I mention this tale is headed for disappointment?)

Bloodcurdling, An Introduction

To prove it, I picked up a trashy novel (crime, not heaving bosoms) thinking that the Russian would be easy to acquire, and one never knew when one would need to feign a perverse knowledge of the murky underworlds of Russian crime and black-marketeering. Well, not so underground. But you get my drift.

It didn't take me long to discover that there are many ways to describe a woman's dead washed-up body being found on shore, and that they can all be used to fill up five pages of lurid text. I also learned the word for bloodcurdling. As Dorothy Parker once remarked, "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." And so I did, reasoning that I would never, ever need to know the word "bloodcurdling" in Russian. I had never used it in English, after all.

Fast forward to the future. Well, to the present, to be more precise. Or to be yet more precise, to the past. (And finally, to complete this idiotic circle of specificity: to earlier this week.)

Awoken by a Bloodcurdling Scream

I was daydreaming about my favourite part of the world whilst listening to a new CD gifted me by a good friend, paging some hapless book on Post-Soviet politics, or something equally typical. And then it happened. As I considered which mountainous Central Asian state I'd rather transverse by camel (what, you don't have those thoughts??), I heard... *dum da da dum!* A Bloodcurdling Scream.

As some of you might know, I have actually heard a scream in my neighborhood before, and so I'm a mite sensitive to them. (Because one should validate any fear one has of hearing a neighbor scream in such a fashion.) I leapt up and paused the CD. And listened desperately.

And listened.

And listened.

And then a pin-prick of comprehension dawned upon me. With a slight huff, I turned back to the CD player and rewound the track to double-check. And indeed, the Phantom of the Opera had just struck. Curses, you scary CD!!!

Elsewhere in the World...

Meanwhile, I came across this article this morning. And thought of the screams that should be resounding. Here are some snippets. It's from Turkmenistan, which is always generous with the Surreal News of the Day segment of the blog...
Turkmenistan Shuts Hospitals

Summary: Turkmenbashi (Father of All Turkmen, the preferred title of the President -for life) has decreed that all hospitals outside of the capital of Turkmenistan be closed. In his words, "what do we need them for?"

The article continues: As part of a radical government plan, 15,000 health workers were sacked and replaced with army recruits.

Oh brilliant thinking. The Phantom strikes again...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Downing Downing Street.

Thanks to Jersey Rob for sharing this info with me.

The articles below deal with the “Downing Street Memo,” which details the British understanding of US policy vis-à-vis Iraq in 2002, before the war had been launched, and when Bush was ostensibly weighing all options. For the Brits, this memo has its own importance, and for Americans, another. Essentially, it outlines the Bush administration’s decision that the intelligence and facts related to Iraq were to be “fixed” in order to support the already decided upon policy regarding Iraq—war. And that this would be done to ensure that the war would be “legal.” There’s a petition that citizens can sign which requests that Bush answer to the issues raised in the memo (which is actually more a form of minutes from a high-level meeting including Blair and senior advisors). It’s available at http://www.johnconyers.campaignoffice.com/index.asp?Type=SUPERFORMS&SEC={20F67A89-DDC3-422B-BD18-4D4AAC8F7D6E}. Check it out if you’re interested, and the articles/links below…

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,11069-1647567,00.html
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2005/06/09/press_and_downing_street_memo
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/18034