When Tomorrow Starts Without Me...

I'm just back from London, where I attended our friend Liz's funeral. Life is such a gift, and there's nothing like the death of someone who knew how to love people and life and laughter to remind one of all that is important in life.

Which means, of course, that I am indulging in an existential delimma about what I should do with my life now that I've been reminded that it's our loved ones and our capacity to love and live which makes life the gift it is. And so living life to the fullest means loving it and loving our family and friends to the fullest...pain and joy and care and all. And cultivating ourselves and our relationships, and realizing our potential for love and life.

I'm pasting two things in here for my own memory-album. First is the poem that was recited at Liz's funeral by her daughter-in-law. Liz was a religious Catholic, and this poem comforts along those lines, I think. The second is my e-mail to Liz before she died, and which one of her daughters read to her at the hospice.

**

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
by David Romano

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you,
and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

**

Subject: with love
Date: Tue 3/28/2006 9:43 AM

Dear Liz,

I wanted to say thank you to you, for being such a great friend and such a great example of how to live life. You’ve given laughter, love, faith, strength and inspiration to me, and I’ll always cherish the gift of knowing you. I hope you draw strength and comfort from the love for you in all of our hearts.

God bless you and your family.

With lots of love,
Ruth

Gym Enlightenment

On Boxing

So, we thought that the gym's Introduction to Boxing class would help us express and get out our aggression and frustration. By we, I mean the Good Jody. I thought it would be a lark, and as she's joined me for our weekly Total Body Conditioning class, I'm hardly going to refuse the opportunity to bounce around and aggressively attack a lifeless ball of leather.

At our first class, we learnt the basic moves, or in my case, rather pointedly failed to do so (other than apparently proving that I have a natural sense of "the left hook"). Then, we were positioned on either side of a boxing bag. The instructor held it still, and guided us to each punch the bag for all we were worth, at great speed, for 10 seconds. And again. And then 15 seconds.

Finally, we prepared to move to 20 seconds of pummeling the boxing bag.

This is a sad thing I'm about to relate. For usually in my life, you see, I don't consider 20 seconds to be an interminable length of time...

So, there we are, Jody and I, envisioning what annoys us most in life, and priming up to begin our 20 seconds. The instructor peps us up: "Think about your boss, your ex," he says, "let me see how angry you are!" And then the countdown began.

20-19-18-17....

After 15 seconds, my energy is beginning to drop. Jody and I are kind of free-falling our punches, whacking hard but with no real speed.

The instructor jibes us: "What? You call this hard??! You call this fast??"

We let loose with more slow punches.
And then the taunts begin.

"You love your boss! You love your ex! You adore your boss!"

"No, no!" I plaintively wail.

"You adore your boss! You love him!"

"No, no!" I wail between punches, "but maybe I don't hate him enough!!"


And so we conclusively proved it. Neither Jody nor I hate any aspect of our jobs enough to fill 20 seconds.

Yeah. Who knew. Boxing can sure be revealing.

Jewish Loins

Why We're Talking Loins Today

As you may know, from conversation with me if not through personal experience, the "organized Jewish community" in the US (by which I mean individuals heavily involved in synagogues, Jewish Community Centers and other Jewish organizations) tends to view the issue of "Jewish continuity" as the most important one facing Jews in America.

One way in which this concern gets translated for some people, is to focus on the issue of intermarriage; that is, Jews marrying people who aren't Jewish. Currently, about half of all marriages involving Jews are intermarriages. Most are Jewish/Christian marriages.

A sizeable proportion of those who worry about Jewish continuity opposes intermarriage. Now, this sizeable proportion is sizeable insofar as it represents the represented American Jew--and the majority of American Jews (or Jewish Americans) are not affiliated to the organized community. Agonizing that intermarriage is the beginning of the end, funders supporting this viewpoint tend to support programs designed to connect Jewish young adults with one another--to promote "in-marriage."

Disclaimer:

(There are also, of course, those who believe that intermarriage is not necessarily the end at all, but the beginning of a choice in a new family's life--whether to bring up any children Jewishly or not. And ultimately, the Jewish population in the US is dwindling because of lower birth rates that have nothing to do with intermarriage but more to do with material success. Those Jewish communal professionals who believe this strive to be welcoming to everyone.)

Uniters, not Dividers: Absurdistan

At any rate, it's not that often that I come across an essay or article in the Jewish press which pokes fun at the paranoia regarding intermarriage. And this satire (by Gary Shteyngart) is all the more timely, taking a spin on a recent study revealing that among young adults the Holocaust is more of a touchstone of Jewish identity than Israel is.

Enjoy these excerpts!

Absurdistan

The greatest danger facing American Jewry is our people's eventual assimilation into the welcoming American fold and our subsequent extinction as an organized community. Due to the overabundance of presentable non-Jewish partners in a country as tantalizingly diverse and half-naked as America, it is becoming difficult if not impossible to convince young Jews to engage in reproductive sex with each other.

...Israel, once a source of pride and inspiration, is now populated largely by an aggressive Middle-Eastern people whose bizarre lifestyle is thoroughly incompatible with our own (cf. Greenblatt, Roger, "Why Does Humus Leave a Bitter Taste in My Mouth?" "Annals of Modern Jewry," Indiana University Press). It is time to turn to the most effective, time-tested, and target-specific arrow in our quiver — The Holocaust.

...The Holocaust, when harnessed properly as a source of guilt, shame, and victimhood, can serve as a remarkable tool for Jewish Continuity. The problem is the over-saturation of the Holocaust brand in media and academe, creating the need for a fresh, vibrant, and sexy (yes, sexy — let's keep our eyes on the prize) approach to the mother of all genocides.

...Some of the world's most remarkable recent architecture has been built in commemoration of the Holocaust, but much of it is too abstract and cerebral to inspire immediate Continuity in the loins of a frigid Jewish woman in her thirties.

****